He Came Home Drunk
by L.M. Nelson
Summary: A lit. Dark I'd say. Uhm there is a child I can't say anymore or I'll give it all away. Please Review. COMPLETE!
1. Prologue

Disclaimer- I own nothing, well at least not the show, or the characters. I do however own the deeds to three souls... Muaahahahahahaha

Hey this is just something I'm trying.. This is the prologue as if you couldn't get that from the title..It is set around where season five was taking place. Jess graduated and he stayed in Stars Hollow with Rory afterwards. Read on and Please review...

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Prologue 

He stumbled in at two am. He was drenched and unknowing of what was about to happen, what he was about to do.

"Rory." He slurred his words as he woke her.

"Jess?" She asked softly as he kissed her.

She could smell the alcohol on his breath, she hated when he drank. He got on top of her and pulled at her sweats.

"Jess, no."

She tried to stop his actions. She didn't want to have sex with him when he was like this. He kissed her sloppily and pulled down her sweats.

"Jess stop it. I don't want to."

He ignored her and began removing his own clothes.

"Jess stop!"

He had come home drunk before, he came home drunk and wanted sex before, and she sometimes gave in, but she didn't want this now. He went on and ignored all her pleas for him to stop. It didn't hurt her physically but it hurt mentally, to know that he was doing this, that he wouldn't stop when she told him to. He stopped finally, Rory rolled over tears in her eyes. She just stared at the wall parallel to the bed.

He left, he left for California, every now and then she would get a letter form him, he would try and explain why he couldn't come home, he would tell her how sorry he was for doing what he did, he never called it what it was, rape.

Honestly she never considered it rape, she knew he was drunk and didn't know what he was doing, she understood how much crap he was dealing with at that point. She had forgiven him a long time ago, she just never told him.

The letters always had a return address and she would write, she would write a thousand letters but she would never send them, she mostly just took comfort in the fact that she knew where he was and that he was okay.

The letters stopped coming a while ago and she had worried, she discovered that she didn't have time to worry when she found out she was pregnant. That night her boyfriend raped her, her son was conceived, out of that horrible experience came her son.

When Oliver was born she cried for days, unable to even look at her son, he was a part of the man she loved, and lost. She couldn't hold him till Lorelai forced her to look the baby in the eyes and see that he was just as much a part of her as he was of Jess.

Jess didn't even know he had a child, something she always felt guilty about. When the letters had stopped coming, when she found out she was pregnant, she never had the heart to go through all the trouble of finding him, she didn't even know where to start.

But every night she kissed her son's forehead as she put him to bed she felt a twinge of guilt course through her body, for Jess, that he didn't know his son and for her son who didn't know his father.

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Hey please tell me what you think.. I really love the feed back.. Plus you get gold stars if you review.. 

Newt


	2. Chapter 1

Disclaimer- See chapter 1

dodgers lady- no.. none of that happened because Jess never left. Which you would know if you read the things I put at the top...

TO ALL MY REVIEWERS- Love to you all! You all get gold stars!

This is a really short chapter, it doesn't even count as a chapter all the other chapters make fun of it because its so small but I needed a way to tell you all what was happening with Jess.

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Chapter 1 

Jess hated himself. He left Stars Hollow three days after he raped Rory. He hated what he did to her, the word haunted him, Rape. He raped his girlfriend, the woman he loved, the woman he planned on marrying. He hated himself.

He had been slipping, while he was in Stars Hollow, slowly slipping into a very dark place. He would go out and get drunk not trying to solve his problems, he knew it wouldn't work. He drank, not to solve his problems but to drown them out for a little while. He got drunk and did stupid things. He got drunk and regretted doing so the morning after.

He knew what he did was so wrong, most days it was all he thought about. He hurt her and he needed to be hurt, was his mind set.

He had run to California he got as far away for Rory and what he did as he could. He was doing okay for a little while but then he started slipping again and this time he fell, full force. He left California and fled to New York he didn't like being so close to Connecticut and to Rory.

He started cutting back on the drinking and started writing a column for Spin. He was holding down a job and he had his own apartment, his life looked perfect from the out side but on the inside he felt like he was dying or already dead.

He hid it well, the dead part of him, which was hard to do, considering that the part that was dead was his heart. He never went near another girl, partly because he didn't trust himself and partly because he could never love another woman that wasn't Rory.

He missed her, everyday he missed her. He would relive the night, even though his drunken haze altered his memory he knew what he did and he understood. He would relive it almost every night and he would wake up terrified it was real, subsequently he didn't sleep as much as he needed to.

He started smoking again, in place of the drinking. He knew it was bad for him but he didn't care, the only reason he had quit in the first place was Rory. She got him to stop, by saying three words, 'Please. For me.', and that was it, he stopped. But she wasn't here now to ask him to stop for her, so he didn't.

He cut off all ties to his life in Stars Hollow after a few months. He hadn't heard from any one, he talked to Luke once or twice while he was in California , just to check in, but he stopped calling him around the time he stopped writing to Rory.

He was starting over, or at least he was trying to.

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Its so little.. I know.. But I have to be honest with you, I have no idea where I'm going with this.. So bear with me people. Please... and some sugestions are always welcome... 


	3. Chapter 2

Disclaimer- See first chapter

TO ALL MY REVIEWERS- Love to you all!

Okay right now.. Oliver is like 9 months so this is a year and 7 months after Jess left her.. I know I did the math! Nahhah I can hear my geometry teacher laughing now... Okay yeah just read it..

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Chapter 2- I Forgave You A Long Time Ago 

Lane flipped through her newest magazine. She came to an article she thought might be interesting. It was a review of a band. She got to the bottom and when she read who had written the article she nearly fell out of bed.

"Holy crap!" She yelled running out the door. "Lorelai?" She yelled running into the diner.

"Lane? Ah, what is it?"

"I.. Know.. Where.. He.. Is.." Lane said between gasps for air.

"What?"

Lane stopped and caught her breath. Which was pointless as she held the magazine in front of her and pointed to Jess' name in small print at the bottom of the page.

Lorelai's eyes bulged out and she snatched the magazine from Lane's hands. As if in disbelief of what her eyes were seeing, she closed the magazine and then opened it again.

She shook her head, "So he's in New York."

"I guess."

"I cannot believe this." Lorelai turned to Lane, "We can't tell Rory."

"Can't tell Rory what?" Rory asked as she came up behind the two.

Lorelai and Lane clumsily struggled with the magazine, they eventually threw it across the counter and turned to Rory as it hit the ground.

"Nothing!" Both of them said at the same time.

"Right." Rory walked around the counter to pick up the magazine.

She found the page that was most damaged. She looked it over. They could both tell when she saw his name. She sort of took a step backwards like it literally, hit her.

She looked up to find Lorelai and Lane closely examining her. They looked at her as if she was a heated glass about to be dipped in cold water. She guessed that they had good reason to, she had been in a bad place when Jess, did what he did. She was a wreck, she didn't come out of the house for a while. So yeah they had reason to think she was about to explode in a violent way. She didn't, explode that is, she just straightened the magazine and held it in her hands.

"Where's Oliver?" She asked Lorelai.

"He's up stairs, with Luke." Lorelai said carefully.

"Alright you bring him home when you leave. I'm gonna go get the groceries home, and put away. I'll see you both later." Rory said before she left the diner.

Lane and Lorelai looked after her as she went.

A few moments after she left Lane leaned over and whispered, "She took the magazine."

Lorelai looked at where her daughter had just stood, "I know." She said back.

Rory got home and put the groceries away. She was ignoring the magazine that was currently on the kitchen table. She got a cup of coffee, and stood there in the door way of her room, just staring at the magazine. She took a few steps forwards and sat down at the table, she set down her coffee and picked up the magazine. She opened it to the appropriate page and began to read.

He was an amazing writer, you couldn't tell by the review, but she knew he was. When she read the words she knew he had written she felt sad. She missed him, even after everything that happened, she still loved him.

Lorelai walked in holding a sleeping Oliver. She walked to his crib and laid him down. She made her way into the kitchen.

"Rory." She said delicately.

"He's in New York."

"I know." Lorelai sat down.

"At least I know he's alive."

"Yeah. That's good."

Rory looked at the magazine. "I wanna go see him." She said quietly.

"Rory are you sure?"

"No. But I need go to New York. I have to see him."

"Alright we'll go."

"No. I'll go." Rory told her.

"Rory. Are you sure about this?"

"Positive."

Lorelai sighed, "Alright."

Later on in the week Rory drove to New York. She was walking through Washington Square Park. Just walking, she didn't expect to find him there, when she did her legs stopped working. The strangest feeling took over her body, she was so glad to see him but the uncontrollable fear drowned out the happiness inside of her.

She didn't know why she was scared of him, she was never scared of him. Even while he was still in Stars Hollow the few days afterwards, she was never scared of him, but now she was. She considered leaving before he saw her, but when she went to leave it was to late, he had seen her.

For a moment he thought she was another mirage, but he quickly learned she wasn't, he stood up and walked closer to her. She was standing still watching him as he approached her, she couldn't move, she was frozen. When he was within a few feet of her she was terrified, terrified of him.

She felt like running, and she knew if she did he wouldn't follow her, but for some reason her feet were glued to the ground. They didn't say anything to one another, they just stood there eyes locked. They hadn't seen each other in over a year and all they could do was stare. It was minutes before words were spoken.

And the words that were spoken were, "I have to go.", when Rory realized her legs began to work again. She went to walk away but stopped when she felt his hand on her arm.

He thought it was a risky decision, but he wanted and needed so badly to talk to her. She looked at his hand that was on her arm, holding her back slightly. She turned to face him fully, the tears now slightly visible in her eyes. Jess felt guilt surge through his body, he removed his hand.

"I'm sorry." He said softly, "For every thing."

In a move that shocked even her self, she stepped forward and hugged him.

"I forgave you a long time ago." She whispered in his ear, before letting go and stepping back. "I have to go now." She said her voice giving away her other wise silent tears.

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Reviews on the story are great... 

Newt


	4. Chapter 3

Disclaimer- See 1st chapter.

TO ALL MY REVIEWERS- Love to you all!

Hey look another chapter!

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Chapter 3- Its never too late 

Rory pulled off to the side of the road, her tears were starting to get in the way. She sat there on a road, close to Stars Hollow, and cried. A real cry, of sadness and pain, a cry of all the things she had been holding in for the past year and a half. She had been sitting in the car but when she couldn't stand being confined anymore she wiped away her tears and got out.

He was smoking again, she could smell it when she hugged him. He didn't smell like alcohol anymore, which made her happy, to know he wasn't drinking. She shook her head, attempting to shake away the tears that had started to fall again.

She must have sat there for hours, just thinking and crying. When she finally got back into the car her mind was gone, completely somewhere else and she couldn't cry any more. It was seven o'clock when she drove into town and she wanted so badly to be back in New York and with Jess.

She parked her car, but waited for a moment. She was preparing herself for the questions she was most likely about to get from her mother. She stepped out of the car, she came to the porch and proceeded to walk inside.

She walked into the kitchen where Lorelai was having some coffee. Rory sat down across from her, it was quiet.

"So, how was it?" Lorelai asked.

"I.." Rory stopped and looked at her hands, "Its a really simple question," She started, "That I don't know how to answer. I saw him. We saw each other. Uhm I was walking and I wasn't expecting to see him but he was there, just sitting reading, as usual. He saw me and he came up to me. He told me he was sorry for everything," She took a deep breath, "I hugged him and told him that I had forgiven him a long time ago. And then I left. I started driving. I spent a few hours crying on the side of the road. And now I'm home."

"Wow." Was all Lorelai said at the time.

It was quiet for a few more minutes when Lorelai finally spoke, "I noticed in your story, you didn't tell him. About Oliver."

Rory shook her head, "That's because I didn't tell him."

"Oh."

"There just wasn't- I couldn't- I just-" Rory tried to explain.

"Its alright honey, I understand, you don't have to explain anything."

They both turned when Oliver started crying.

"I'm gonna go get him." Rory said standing up.

"Alright, hey I told Luke I'd meet him at the diner." Lorelai said also standing.

"Oh you guys have a date?" Rory asked, walking back into the kitchen with Oliver.

"Yep."

"Alright well have fun."

Lorelai said goodbye to Oliver and Rory before leaving.

Rory looked down at her son, she smiled for a second. Jess' features were mirrored in his son, save for the eyes. Like his mother, he had blue eyes, which contrasted with his olive toned skin. He was beautiful, and she loved him more than anything else in the world.

"Lets get you changed, Okay baby." She said walking into her room.

She changed him and laid him down in his crib before walking into the living room, baby monitor in hand. She laid down on the couch and turned on the TV. She wanted to go back to New York and tell Jess about Oliver, but she couldn't, not now at least. She settled for watching TV and trying to push all thoughts of Jess out of her mind.

Jess tapped his pencil on a pad of paper, his coworker was watching him tap incessantly.

"Do you mind!" He finally said.

"Uh sorry." Jess said putting his pencil down.

There was a third person in the room, Tommy, Jess' boss' gay assistant. He came and sat down next to Jess.

"Hey sexy, something wrong?" He asked in a way that always reminded him of Miss Patty. Maybe it was the way he called him sexy, he didn't know, but wither way it creeped him out.

"Uh no not really." He answered.

"Hmm Liar, what's going on in that pretty little head of yours?"

"It's.." Jess looked up at him, "Its complicated."

"Uh huh. Come on you can tell me. Come on tell Tommy."

Jess rolled his eyes, "Its about a girl." Jess tried to get him discouraged and off the topic.

But he was persistent, "Uh huh, uh huh. Go on."

"She came to see me yesterday. She told me she had forgiven me, and then left." Jess explained vaguely.

"Forgiven you for what?" Tommy asked.

Jess thought for a moment, how to put it, "For something I did to her."

Tommy saw it was a soft spot and backed off. "Well then, she just left."

"Yep."

"And you didn't go after her?"

"Nope."

"Are you stupid."

"What?"

"She says she forgave you for what ever it was that you did, and then she leaves and you don't follow. Correct?"

"Yeah."

"You're and idiot."

"What, why?" Jess asked as Tommy got up to leave.

"You should have gone after her." When he was at the door he turned back and told him, "You should still go after her."

"It's too late now." Jess told him.

"Sexy, its never too late." And he left.

Jess sat there for a minute, staring at the pencil and paper in front of him. He stood up, grabbed his jacket and was out the door yelling at Tommy to tell his boss he was taking a few sick days. He was in his car and on the way to New Haven thanks to a gay man the liked to call him sexy.

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Giggle.. Did you love it.. Did you hate it.. Were you neutral to the whole thing.. Tell me and oh my god.. so very happy I got the Sisterhood of the Traveling pants on DVD today! Yay.. I love that movie! Oh yes and please review. 

Newt


	5. Chapter 4

Disclaimer- See chapter 1.

TO ALL MY REVIEWERS- Love you all!

And here it is...

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Chapter 4- This is Oliver. Your son. 

Jess had been driving for what seemed like days. He got to New Haven, he drove to the familiar apartment, the apartment he and Rory shared while they were going to Yale. He got there and came to the right building.

He went to the name plate, Rory's name wasn't on it. He walked in, he figured that the old land lord would be home at two in the afternoon.

"Miss. Jennings?" He asked as he knocked on the old widows door.

"Oh, my lord. Jess Mariano. I haven't seen you in ages." She said standing up carefully.

"Yeah."

"Boy. Why haven't you been around?" She asked walking over to him, "You look good. You smoking?" She asked.

"Yes, ma'am." He said quietly.

"Drinking?" She stopped and looked him in the eyes.

"No Ma'am." He answered her.

"Good." She said going to sit back down, "My grandson, recognized your name in a magazine. You writing for a magazine?"

"Yeah."

"Well you are doing good. 'Cept for that smoking you gotta give that up." She shook her finger at him.

"I know."

"So Mister Mariano, what brings you back down here?"

"I was coming down to see Rory. I noticed her name wasn't on the name plate."

"Oh yeah, she had been staying with her mother for a while, but then she finally moved out a few months after you left. Poor girl, was in pieces when she came here. I felt so sorry. She wouldn't tell me why, I figured it had something to do with you leaving. But I didn't push."

"Oh. You push. Impossible."

Miss Jennings laughed. "She sent me this a little while ago, though." She pulled a picture frame off her desk and handed it to Jess.

Jess looked at it for a second. It was a photo of Rory and a baby. Jess nodded slightly and handed the picture back to the owner.

"She moved back in with her mother. Nice woman, met her when they came to get her stuff." Jess nodded. "You gonna go see her?"

"That's the plan." Jess nodded.

"Well then go see her. Why you standing around here with me? Go see her."

Jess smiled, "Thanks Miss Jennings. I'll see you around."

Jess left the apartment building and drove in the direction of Stars Hollow. When he got there, he nearly turned around when he saw Lorelai walking out of Luke's. He settled for slouching down in his seat before she could see him.

He took a deep breath, he turned his car into the parking space behind Luke's. He sat there for a while, he smoked three cigarettes while he was sitting there.

He knew if he got out of his car, all bets were off, there would be no going back if he got out of his car. He would be back in town, the town he had grown to tolerate in the three years he lived there, the town that had started to accept him after they figured out he wasn't leaving. He pretty much figured all that was blown to hell after what he did, although he doubted Rory shared everything that happened, he left her and that's all the town needed to hate him again.

He got out of the car.

He took back ways and side streets that weren't that busy, so no one would see him. He was walking through town, to a specific place, it wasn't the house, it someplace else, someplace that meant more.

He got there, stood for a moment, this was their place, he loved this place more than anywhere else, this was where he felt like he belonged. He walked over to a grassy area off the bridge and pulled out a cigarette.

He went to light it.

"You shouldn't be smoking that."

He heard her voice behind him and stopped what he was doing. He turned around to face her.

"What are you doing here?" She asked, her voice sounding small and far off.

"Some one told me that it was never too late."

Rory walked over to him, in silence she took the cigarette out of his hand, followed by his lighter. He watched her place the white stick between her lips, and bring the flame towards the tip. Inhaling, she made the tip glow bright, she drew the lighter back and gave it back to him.

He watched her, inhale deeply, then blow the blue-ish smoke out in a line letting it disipate into the air, she seemed to relax. When she was done she dropped it and stepped on it with her heal. She looked at Jess, who was staring at her dumbfounded.

"When did you start smoking?"

Rory closed her eyes, "Two months, on and off. Here and there. When I need to."

"When you need to?" Jess questioned.

"Yeah. When school is pushing me beyond my limit, when Oliver.." Rory stopped.

"Oliver?" Jess questioned.

"Yeah." Rory turned to Jess. "I have to tell you something." She said choking on her words. "Come on." Jess followed Rory to her house. "You should stay out here. Just for a second. I'll be back out in a minute."

Rory walked inside.

"Mom?" Rory said shakily.

"Rory? Honey? What's wrong?"

"Jess is here. He came here. He's out side. I'm bringing Oliver out. I'm introducing him to his son." Rory walked with her mother to Oliver's play area.

"Oh. My god."

Rory picked up her son, "Hey baby, come on. Let's go meet your daddy. Alright?" Rory walked to the back door.

Lorelai stopped her. "You're doing this and I'm doing it with you. You know, moral support."

"Thank you, mom." Lorelai opened the door for Rory.

She stepped out, Oliver in her arms, Lorelai at her side. Jess looked up and saw the baby, the same baby from the picture. Rory came to stand in front of Jess, who's eyes were on Oliver. She looked back at Lorelai who nodded in support.

"Jess." He looked up at her. "This is Oliver. Your son."

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Hey.. I felt the need to write about smoking. I myself have not smoked in 2 months. And recently I have noticed sooo many people smoking. Dam kids at school... anyways I just added that little bit in there just cause. Need to get it out of my system... Okay reviews are always welcome... 

Newt


	6. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: See chapter 1.

TO ALL MY REVIEWERS- Love you all!

This chapter is dedicated to Dione Robertson who totaly gave me this idea.. Thank you so much. I was completely stuck. Dam writer's block.

This little thing_  
:.:.:.:._  
signifies the beginings and ends of Flash backs. And the Flash backs are in _Italics. _

_

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_Chapter 5- I wish I did

_:.:.:.:.  
"What the hell is wrong with you! You little son of a bitch!" Jimmy screamed at Jess, throwing him against a wall._

_ Jess came back, blindly punching at his 'father' as he was beating Liz. Jimmy got off of Liz and pushed Jess back, going after him. _

_"Jimmy No!" Liz screamed as Jimmy brutally beat Jess. _

_"Don't. Ever. Tell. Me. What. To. Do. You. Stupid. Bitch!" Jimmy said to Liz between punches delivered to Jess' face and body. _

_Jess lay there, not moving at all. Jimmy stood up, Jess could hear his mother crying. Then he heard Jimmy hit her again, her crying stopped. _

_He lay there in the corner of the small apartment in New York. When he woke up he was in a hospital bed in Connecticut, Liz crying at his side. _

_"Mom?" _

_"Oh my baby boy. You're awake. Oh thank god." Liz hugged his battered body lightly. _

_Jimmy was gone, he left and Jess had been in a coma for five days, because of one of Jimmy's beatings.  
:.:.:.:._

"What?" Jess asked as he felt his airway closing off and his mouth going dry.

"After you left, I found out about Oliver. I couldn't tell you, I didn't know where you were." Rory told him.

"I.. I.. I.." Jess stuttered, turning whiter and whiter.

"Jess?"

He heard Rory's voice, it sounded far away. He suddenly felt like he needed to lay down. He felt sick. He stumbled back but stopped as he felt his back hit the tree. He sunk to the ground, head in his hands.

"Jess?" Rory had given Oliver to Lorelai and was at Jess' side. "Jess are you okay. Jess?"

He looked up at her, sad and vacant expression in his eyes. He felt like he couldn't breathe, until she touched his hand.

"Jess. I know this is.." There weren't words to describe what this was, "But you're scaring me. Say something, please, say anything." She said to Jess' seemingly empty shell.

"Twist." He said, "Oliver." He connected.

Rory nodded.

He was Jess, always thinking about books. After the huge thing that was just dropped on him, he focused on the name. Rory watched him closely as he looked at Oliver.

"I'm sorry." He choked out, "I cant."

Rory was taken aback by what Jess said. "What?" 

"Rory, I cant have a kid." He looked up at her with tears in his eyes.

He went to stand up but Rory stopped him, "Jess wait. Talk to me."

"I cant Rory, I cant." He said before he walked away.

"What just happened?" Rory asked sadly.

"You told Jess he had a nine month old son." Lorelai answered.

"And he freaked out." Rory added.

Jess walked quickly through town, not caring who saw him. He walked into Luke's, he made his way upstairs.

"Luke?" He called into the apartment.

"Jess?" Luke said surprised when he saw his nephew.

"Why didn't you tell me!"

"Tell you what?"

"About Oliver! I'm pretty sure you know who that baby's father is. Why didn't you tell me!" Jess yelled, "You knew where I was, I sent you a letter when I got that job! You knew where I was! Why didn't you tell me?" He was holding back tears by now.

"If I told you. Would you have come back?" Luke asked. Jess looked up at him. "If I told you, you had a son, would you have come back? Or would you be too scared?"

Jess shook his head.

"Jess, you're not Jimmy. You don't have to be afraid of turning out like him."

"Yes I do!" Jess shouted. "It's happened before! I was Jimmy! I came home drunk and I raped my girlfriend! Now tell me isn't that exactly how I came into this fucked up world!" Jess exploded.

Luke didn't know that Jess raped Rory, he was disoriented for a minute.

"So tell me again how I don't have to worry about being my father." It was quiet for a moment, "So to answer you're question, I wouldn't have come back, I would have been to scared, But I would have liked to know." Jess walked to the door.

"Jess wait."

"What?" Jess asked sounding tired.

"I know, that you could never be Jimmy. You're better than that. You're better than him and I know that."

Jess nodded, "I wish I did." And he left.

He made his way down the stairs, out of the diner and to his car.

He didn't drive away, he was thinking. Twenty minutes and five cigarettes later, he had decided that leaving was better than staying and possibly hurting Rory and his son physically.

He started his car, peeled out from behind Luke's and drove back to New York, in hopes of finding a bar somewhere along the way, cause for the first time in a while he felt like he needed a drink.

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Uh-oh.. What's gonna happen now. Oh.. Hell I don't even know. Give me some ideas people. Please. 

Newt


	7. Chapter 6

Disclaimer- See chapter 1

To all my reviewers- Love you all.

This chapter is dedicated again to Dione Robertson, I loved all the ideas you gave me. I had this chapter written but when I got your ideas I rewrote almost all of it. Again thanks for the ideas.

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Chapter 6- Yeah he does 

"Luke?" Lorelai asked coming in the diner, "Is Jess here?"

"No. He left." Lorelai sighed, defeated.

"He met Oliver."

"I know." Luke told her.

"He kinda freaked out."

"Yeah. Well he has reason to." Luke mumbled to himself.

"What?"

"He was just scared."

"Scared of what?"

"Of himself." He tried to explain.

"What?"

"Jess' father, Jimmy, used to hit- he used to beat the shit out of Jess." Luke told her.

"Oh my god."

Luke nodded and continued, "Jimmy used to beat Liz up and Jess would try and stop him. Then he would get beaten up. The last time was when Jess was nine, Jimmy hit him so hard so many times he put his own son in the hospital."

"Oh my god." It was quiet for a minute. "Why was he scared, Luke?"

"Jimmy raped Liz, and nine months later, there was Jess. He's afraid of being his father."

"Oh my god."

"Yeah."

"Hey Luke, do you have Jess' address?"

"Uh yeah here." Luke pulled out a small card from his wallet and handed it to Lorelai.

"I have to go." Lorelai said taking it and running out the door and to her jeep.

"Double, Tequila." Jess ordered.

It was delivered, he stared at the burning liquid for a moment deciding what to do. He made up his mind and downed it. He took a seat and ordered more. A few beers and seven double shots later, Jess was nearly wasted, he had a high tolerance for alcohol. The bartender cut him off, for which Jess was slightly thankful.

He stumbled out of the bar and went to his apartment. He walked, he had the sense to know not to drive and his apartment wasn't too far from the bar. He fumbled with the key in the lock. He finally got into his apartment and made his way to his room.

He walked out into his kitchen, stopped turned and then went into the living room. He got down and pulled something from under the couch. He opened the bottle and drank deeply. He set the bottle on the floor making a disgusted face. Cognac, the worst tasting alcohol in his opinion, like drinking perfume, but it was all he had, so he drank it.

He didn't know why he kept it, that bottle had to be at least seven years old. It was Liz', Jess had taken it and hid it from her once, along with some others, when she was drunk. He had hid them in different places, around his room, she found all of them but this one.

He thought maybe she chose not to find it, because of it's taste. But he of all people knew that wasn't the case, cause when you're hurting, it doesn't matter what it tastes like, or how you feel the next morning, all that matters is that its takes away the pain for a few hours. It lets you put on those beautiful blinders, and protects you from reality for a little while.

"Alright, 1750 43rd Street. Apartment 2F." Lorelai read off the card as she pulled her car up to the right apartment building.

She walked up the stairs, it was a nice building, very clean, very not like the Jess she knew. She walked up and found the right floor, then the right room. She went to knock, but the door was open slightly.

She pushed it open the rest of the way, "Jess?" She asked quietly, stepping in.

She saw the bottle of Cognac on the coffee table. 'He's drinking.' She thought sadly.

"Jess?" She asked a little louder.

"Lorelai?" He asked walking into the living room where Lorelai stood. "What are you doing here?" He slurred as he spoke.

"Your door was open and I wanted, I came here to talk to you."

"Oh." Jess nodded but stopped as the world began to spin a little to fast.

"Jess?"

"Yeah."

"You were drinking." Lorelai said part question part statement.

"Yes."

"Why?" She asked.

It was then Jess did something she never thought he would; He cried.

"I'm sorry." He said sadly. She could here the tears in his voice. "I'm so sorry." Jess sunk into the couch.

"Jess." Lorelai said walking over and sitting down. "Jess, you don't have to be sorry. You just. Jess there's something you need to know." Jess looked up at her.

"Luke told me about your father. He told me everything. Jess I know you're scared. You're scared of being your father. But Jess," Lorelai took his hand, "You are not your father. You will never be your father."

"How do you know. How do you know I wont be like him. The same blood is in me. How do you know." Jess asked slightly hysteric.

"Jess I know, you could never be your father, because your father hurt you and he hurt your mother on purpose. You would never hurt Rory intentionally, and I know that you already love your son more than you ever thought possible. You will not turn out like your father, because you are going to come back with me and you are not going to abandon Rory and your son."

Jess couldn't look at her any more. He looked down and shook his head. "I'm still scared."

"I know." Lorelai said quietly.

"He looks like me." He mumbled falling asleep.

"Yeah he does."

* * *

Hello. I'm Writing this on Holloween. Yay! Happy Holloween! Even if its past the 31st. And remember kiddies; There is no such thing as too much cheese.

Newt


	8. Chapter 7

Disclaimer- See chapter 1

To all my reviewers- Love you all.

Here it is my pretties! The next chapter! Hurray! And the peasants rejoice!

* * *

Chapter 7-Wow. 

Lorelai sat waiting for the phone to be answered. Three more rings till Rory answered.

"Hello?"

"Rory?" Lorelai could hear Oliver crying in the background.

"Yeah. Hey. Where are you? I went to Luke's and he said you ran off." Rory said struggling to calm the screaming child in her arms.

Lorelai was trying to find an answer for her daughter's question.

"Hey mom, I gotta go Oliver is screaming. Uh I'll call you when I get him to stop."

"Uh alright babe. Call me." Lorelai said, relieved she didn't have to come up with an answer to where she was just then.

"Bye mom."

"Bye hun." They hung up their phones.

Lorelai let out a sigh and turned to Jess, who was asleep on the couch in his apartment.

She glanced at her cell phone's clock; '7:39.' She thought.

She looked around again. She felt like doing something, but there was nothing to do. She would have cleaned, but the apartment was spotless. She would have turned on the TV, if she wasn't afraid of waking Jess up. She ran through a list of things she could do and a list of reasons she couldn't do them.

She had one final thought; 'I could snoop.' There was no problem with this in her head, so she did what every logical Gilmore would do; she snooped.

She walked into what she assumed was Jess' room, judging by the posters and the collection of books, band tee shirts, and CDs that were strewn about the room.

She went in, taking in the surroundings. She stood next to his closet looking at his calendar. It was mainly blank, save for the marks of his AA meetings.

"Jess going to AA meetings. Jess standing up and saying 'I'm Jess and I have a drinking problem.' He was trying to change, by the looks of things here he has. At least until today." Lorelai said quietly to herself as she walked over to his desk.

She sat down and shuffled some papers around. This was the one place in the whole apartment that seemed mildly chaotic. She accidentally hit a button on his open laptop. The screen clicked on, letting a brilliant light wash over Lorelai.

She decided it was best to snoop in here as well. There was already a program running. Word Pro.

She read the title; "Article for 3rd issue."

She clicked the file button. It dropped down and reveled other recent documents. One in particular caught her eye. It was simply titled, 'book'. Curiosity took over and she clicked it. And began to read.

_The beginning- An over view_

_My name is Jess, and I am writing this book with no unreal expectations of publication or any sort of recognition. I am writing this simply to just get it out. It's all been inside of me for so long the entire time after, after I left my girlfriend. I left for good reason, let me tell you that first. We had dated for three years, we lived together for two years. We went to the same college, Yale, doesn't get more prestigious than that. I had been failing three classes, and I could never bring myself to tell her. Because then I would be her failure, and I couldn't handle that. She was to perfect to have any piece of her life be a failure. I didn't want to bring her down with me. On most nights I would stay out late and get drunk, stupid choice I know. I would come home and I know she hated when I was drunk, I wasn't an angry drunk or even a happy on, I was a rare subdivision of drunk; The realistic drunk. It doesn't sound like it makes sense but it does, I knew what would happen when I would come home drunk. She wouldn't say two words to me, she would roll over and then be gone before I woke up. She would be gone, she would always leave a note. It was never to scold me for getting drunk, it would only say; I went out for breakfast with Lane. I'll be back at about noon and then we'll go to class. Eat something. I love you, Rory. It would always be sweet and never one mention about me drinking, she would never say how much it hurt her to see me that way, but I knew it killed a little part of her each time I came home drunk. _

_I loved her, there was no doubt about that. I had even planned on marrying her, I bought a ring. I always had it with me, I could never leave it in the apartment, because my girlfriend and her mother, Lorelai, liked to snoop, a lot. Nothing was ever safe, they'd find it in the most obscure hiding places, they would make you go, 'Why did you even think to look in there?'. It was something they both shared, along with so many other things. I would never let it get out, but I always admired Lorelai. _

_She had Rory when she was only sixteen. She was strong, stronger than anyone I know. She raised a perfect daughter all by herself. She created an amazing relationship with her daughter. They shared everything, clothes, taste in music, taste in the wrong guys, they're crazy obsession with movies, and the one thing every noticed, they both had the shockingly beautiful blue eyes. I always thought that maybe there was some hidden power within them, the power to make any man fumble and fall in love. I think I might be right. Lorelai worked so hard to give Rory everything, she did a damn good job of it to. I know that there was one thing Lorelai was always scared of, she didn't want her daughter to turn out like she did. She didn't want her to get pregnant at 16 and run away. I think that's why she hated me so much, I was the bad boy who would corrupt her daughter and get her pregnant. I didn't, but I understand why she was so worried that I would. _

_She came to accept me after she realized I wasn't going anywhere. She shouldn't have taken her eyes off me though. I wish she would have forbade Rory to date me, because then I wouldn't have been able to hurt her the way I did. _

_In the end I did hurt her. I came home drunk and did something that I can never erase, I raped my girlfriend._

_So now after I have started my life over again I realized; In all the time I was so worried about telling her why I got drunk, afraid of being her failure, that I never realized that getting drunk was so much worse. _

"Wow." Lorelai said eyes still fixed on the screen.

* * *

Just to let you all know. This is a chapter I was very very unsure about. And your feed back would be very appreciated. 

Thanks.

Newtie


	9. Chapter 8

Disclaimer- See chapter 1.

To The Loyal Reviewers- Love you all so much!

Here you go..

* * *

Chapter 8- Can you tell him that

Lorelai got up from the desk and moved to his dresser. On top of it were a few pictures in frames. The first picture was of Jess and Rory before they left for prom and another one of them at the bridge. She remembered the pictures she had taken both.

The third picture was of Rory, just Rory, she was reading in the picture. She picked up the frame and noticed the small velvet box that was placed behind it. She set down the frame and picked up the box.

She gasped when she opened it, it was gorgeous. It looked like Rory, it was perfect. She closed the box and put it back on the dresser.

She sat down in the desk chair she was tired. She slowly drifted to sleep in a very awkward and unusual position.

-

When she woke up she looked at her phone searching for the time

"Four twelve." She said to herself.

She got up and stretched before she went back to snooping, she was amazed at the number of books he had. She looked at some of the titles.

_-_

"_Jess?" Rory asked as they lay in bed together. _

"_Yeah?" Jess tucked a piece of hair out of her face. "What is it?" He asked._

"_I'm scared." She admitted._

"_Of what?" He asked softly._

"_You."_

Jess woke up with a start. He sat up slowly looking around. He remembered everything that had happened. He rubbed his head and made an attempt at standing up. It took him a minute before he actually stood up, but he did it. He started walking towards him room.

"Lorelai?" He asked as he found her looking at his books.

She jumped slightly. "Jess, you scared me."

"What are you doing?" He asked.

"Snooping." Lorelai said going back to looking at his books.

Jess shrugged, "I didn't expect anything else."

"Yeah."

Jess walked over to his computer and noticed there was a program running.

"You read it?" He asked shutting it down.

"Uh. Yeah." Lorelai said nervously.

"What'd you think?" Jess asked, letting her know he didn't care that she read it.

"I only got to the end of chapter one."

Jess nodded.

"From what I read, you're talented."

Jess looked up at her.

"You should finish it." Lorelai shook her head.

"How long did you have the ring?" She asked after a moment.

"Six months." Jess said grabbing a bottle of water, that was at his desk, and taking a sip.

"Wow."

"Yeah."

Lorelai's cell phone began to ring. She answered it and walked out of the room looking sympathetically at Jess as he rubbed his temples.

"Mom?" Rory's voice came through the phone.

"Yeah hon?"

"Where are you?" She asked, slight worry in her voice.

"Uh, I'm.." She glanced back at Jess. "I'm in New York."

"Why are you in New York.. What's in New Yor-" Rory stopped as realization hit. "You're in New York."

"Yeah."

"Oh.." She heard Rory take a deep breath. "How is he?"

"He's.." Lorelai didn't know what to say. "Rory, he.. I came here and he, he was drunk."

"Oh."

Lorelai could hear the disappointment and guilt in Rory's voice.

"It was because of Oliver, its because of me." Rory assumed.

"No. Honey its not Oliver and its not you. Its not that simple."

"Tell him.." Rory sighed, "Tell him I'm sorry."

"Rory wait." Lorelai tried to stop her but all she heard was the click as Rory ended the call.

Lorelai turned around and saw Jess standing in the door way of him room.

"Hey." She said.

"Hey."

"Don't supposed you heard any of that."

Jess just shrugged and turned back into his room. "I'm gonna shower and change."

"Okay."

He continued walking but stopped and spoke, back still turned to Lorelai. "Its not Oliver, its not her."

Lorelai nodded, "I know."

He shut his door. Lorelai sat on the couch and tried to call Rory.

-

Rory stared at the caller ID on her cell phone. She silenced the ringer and went in to Oliver's room.

She looked at him, sleeping in his crib. "It doesn't matter if your daddy doesn't want you. I'll always love you."

She smiled sadly at the sleeping baby.

-

Jess walked out of his room to find Lorelai dumping the rest of the Cognac into the kitchen sink.

She smiled weakly at him. "How're you feeling?" She asked.

He shrugged. "I feel like crap."

"Well yeah. Hangovers can do that-"

"No it's not that."

"Then what?" Lorelai asked, leaning against the counter, Cognac bottle now in the trash.

"She thinks its because of her."

"Its not." Lorelai half questioned half asked.

"No. Its not."

"Then tell her. Tell her that its not her and explain. She doesn't know Jess. You have to tell her."

Jess looked down at his hands. "What time is it?" He asked when he realized he wasn't wearing his watch.

"Uh. 5:52." Lorelai said looking at the clock in her phone.

"Have you ever been up this early?"

"Uh. Yes. Actually."

"Really?" Jess asked skeptically.

"Yeah. When Rory had Oliver. He was born at 3:21 in the morning. June 3rd 2005. Seven pounds four ounces. And absolutely perfect."

"I'm sorry I wasn't there."

Lorelai nodded. "You didn't know."

"Right."

"It was raining. In June. The day he was born, it was raining."

-

Rory walked through town. The sun was up but the clouds were blocking it. She pushed the stroller that held Oliver in it towards Luke's. She couldn't help but notice the number of people that turned and looked as she walked.

She simply brushed it off and continued to Luke's. When she got there she took her normal spot and placed Oliver in her lap.

Luke walked over to her. "Hey Rory." Luke said carefully.

"Hey Luke. Uhm could I get some pancakes and eggs."

Luke nodded and went back to give her order to Caesar. He walked back over and sat down across from Rory.

"Rory."

"Luke.." Rory said slightly confused.

"I wanted to talk to you."

"About?" She figured it was about Jess.

"Jess came here, before he left. He said something, he said.. That he.." Luke struggled.

"Spit it out Luke."

"Why did Jess leave?" Luke thought this was the best approach.

Rory looked down at Oliver. "I don't know." She flat out lied.

Luke shook his head, "No. I know something happened. I just.. I need to hear it from you."

"What something?" Rory asked.

Luke looked around and then shook his head again, "Not here."

"Upstairs?" She offered.

"Yeah." Luke agreed.

Rory stood up and walked over to Babette and Morey. "Hey Babette could you watch Oliver for a minute. I gotta take care of something."

"Of course, sugar, we don't get enough of Oliver anyways." Babette said taking Oliver from Rory.

"Thanks. I'll be right back." Rory said before following Luke upstairs.

-

"What is it?"

"Jess came here and he told me he.. He told me what happened. Why he left."

"I see." Rory looked at her shoes. "What did he tell you?" She asked.

"He said. He came home drunk, and that, he, he said he raped you." Luke said quietly.

Rory was still studying her shoes and was very quiet.

"Rory?" Luke asked concerned.

"It wasn't rape." She said simply. "Rape is something that happens to helpless girls, rape is something that sick, evil people do. I'm not helpless and Jess isn't sick or evil. It wasn't rape." Rory finished.

Luke just watched her as she stood up and walked to the door.

She stopped and looked back at him, "If you ever talk to him again," Rory sighed, "Can you tell him that."

Luke nodded.

Rory continued out the door and back into the diner. She got Oliver from Babette and decided that she was gonna skip breakfast and go somewhere else.

Luke had just come downstairs when he saw Rory leaving.

* * *

Hi. I watched Gilmore Girls last night. Jess is just too perfect! Ugh! I love him. In the episode, amazing performence by the actor and amazing episode.. This is why Amy and Daniel are gods! 

Please leave a review or a comment. Whatever. Also. Can anyone tell me what all the chapter titles, except for The Prologue and Chapter One, have in common? I'm afraid it's terribly obvious..Now I have to go work on my History project and Listen to Billy Idol..

Newtie.


	10. Chapter 9

Disclaimer- I own nothing, well at least not the show, or the characters. I do however own the deeds to three souls... Muaahahahahahaha

To all my reviewers- Love to you all!

Here we are... Again.

* * *

Chapter 9- Because. We need to talk. 

"Come on baby. Do this for mommy. Please." Rory begged the crying child in her arms.

There was a knock at the door. She went to answer it.

"Dad? What are you doing here?" She asked still trying to calm Oliver.

"I just wanted to stop by. Say hey. Do you need some help?"

"Yes. I cant figure out what's wrong. He's not hungry, he doesn't have a fever. I cant figure it out." Rory said sounding worried. "I try to give him his pacifier, he just spits it out. I've tried everything. Nothings working. I just. I just cant. I cant figure it out!" Rory felt like crying.

"Can you take him for just a minute. Please."

Chris nodded and took Oliver from her. He didn't stop crying. Rory went to the couch and collapsed.

"Rory where is Lorelai?" Chris asked bouncing Oliver and attempting to quiet him.

"She's in New York. She left two days ago and.. I haven't talked to her since Tuesday and-"

"What is she doing in New York?" Chris asked.

"She's visiting someone. I don't know why. But she is and I'm here alone for the first time since Oliver was born. And I don't know what to do and Oliver has not stopped crying in ten hours."

"Okay. Okay. I got it. Have you tried calling her?"

"Yeah. It just goes straight to voice mail."

"Alright well you know what, why don't we try calling her again." Chris said handing Rory the phone.

She took it and dialed. "Mom!"

"Rory? Honey what's wrong?"

"Mom. Oliver wont stop crying. And I've tried everything and I don't know what to do and I need my mommy."

"Oh honey. I'm so sorry. I'm coming home now."

"Right now?"

"Yes. There are dust clouds behind me and the background keeps repeating it's self."

"Thank you."

"Bye baby."

"Bye."

Lorelai hung up the phone and turned to Jess.

"I have to go." She said grabbing her purse. "Come on." She said. "Go grab some clothes, you can stay at the Dragonfly. Come on." Lorelai commanded and Jess complied.

-

Jess and Lorelai were in the car now. A wave of realization hit Lorelai.

"Shit!" She suddenly said picking up her phone.

"What?"

"I know what it is."

Three rings and Chris picked up.

"Hello?"

"Chris?"

"Lorelai."

"Oh whatever. is Rory there?"

"Yeah."

"Give her the phone." She demanded.

Chris handed Rory the phone and took Oliver while telling her, "Its your mother."

"Mom."

"Rory. I need you to go and get your old copy of HOWL and give it to Oliver."

"What? Why?" Rory asked confused.

"Rory just do it."

"I don't even know where it is, mom."

"It should be in the crib that's in the living room." Lorelai told her.

Rory went and looked around the crib. "Mom I don't see it."

"Keep looking."

Rory pulled up the little mattress and found it. "I found it."

"Okay, give it to him."

"Okay.." Rory complied, still confused.

Lorelai could hear Oliver stop crying.

"Oh thank god." Rory said. "But I don't get it."

"I give it to him when he can't sleep or wont stop crying."

"So what he really likes Allen Ginsberg?"

"No. Sweetie. Who's writing is all over that book?"

"Jess." Rory said realizing.

"Right." Lorelai said exiting the freeway.

"So.. He likes it because it's got Jess' writing."

"Because its a part of him. Don't ask me to explain it but there's a connection between the two of them."

"Wow."

"Yeah."

"Where are you?"

"I'm close."

"Okay. I'll see you when you get here."

"Bye baby."

"Bye mom."

Lorelai hung up the phone. And glanced at Jess for a second.

"He has a connection to Allen Ginsberg?"

"You two are funny. And no."

"Then why did that help?"

"You."

Jess looked back out at the road that was quickly disappearing behind them.

"Jess... Earth to Jess. Come in Jess." Lorelai waved a hand in front of his face.

"What?"

"You totally spaced."

"We stopped." Jess pointed out.

"Very good."

"Why did we stop?"

"Because Stars Hollow is just up ahead and you have to duck." Lorelai told him.

"Oh right. Okay." Jess slouched down in his seat.

"Okay." Lorelai pushed the gas pedal and took off into Stars Hollow.

She went straight to The Dragonfly. She came into the Inn and looked around. She went back outside and pulled Jess in.

"Come on. Room Three is open."

Lorelai grabbed the keys as they went. She opened the door and Jess stepped inside.

"This is where you'll stay. At least until I talk to Rory. Don't wanna just spring this on her."

"Right." Jess nodded, looking around.

"So Okay. I'm gonna go home. I don't have your cell number. What is it?" Lorelai took out her phone.

"Fifty five, Fifty nine, Twenty one, Two."

"Alright." Lorelai said programming it into her phone. "I'll call. Make your self and home and do not go down stairs."

"Okay."

Lorelai left and shut the door.

-

"Sookie?" Lorelai said coming into the kitchen.

"Lorelai? Oh my god you're back! And you look upset. Are you upset?"

"Yes. But there's no time for that now."

"Okay. What is there time for?"

"I need you to bring room service to room three."

"But no ones in room three."

"There's someone in room three now."

"Who's in room three?"

"Jess is in room three." Lorelai told her.

"Jess is in room three?" Sookie questioned.

"Yes. Now I need you to go up there and bring him diner and take all the alcohol out of the mini bar. Temptation right now its not good." Lorelai said looking more worried by the second.

"Alright." Sookie agreed to Lorelai's requests.

"Now I gotta go. I'll see you Sook."

"Bye. And I am still no less confused as I was when you came in."

"I know. I'm sorry. Details later."

"Details later." Sookie nodded as Lorelai left.

-

"Rory?" Lorelai asked as she walked into the house.

Both Rory and Chris jumped out and shushed her.

"Okay why am I being shushed, violently if I might say."

"Oliver's asleep." Chris informed her.

"Finally." Rory added.

"That's great." Lorelai looked at Chris and pulled him to the side.

"Hey, what's up Lor?" Chris asked.

"I need you to leave."

"What?" Chris asked.

"I need to talk to Rory." Lorelai explained.

"Alright." Chris complied.

They walked back over to Rory.

"Hey kiddo. I gotta go." He told her.

"Oh alright."

"Bye kid." Chris hugged her.

"Bye Dad."

Chris left and Lorelai stood staring at Rory. When Rory noticed she jumped.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" She asked.

"Because. We need to talk."

Lorelai took Rory over to the couch and they sat down.

* * *

Reviews please.. Who will be the one to get me to 100.. The 100th reviewer I would assume! Please leave a review.. Or comment. 

Newtie.


	11. Chapter 10

Disclaimer- I own nothing, well at least not the show, or the characters. I do however own the deeds to three souls... Muaahahahahahaha

To all my reviewers- I love you all so much, its unhealthy.

And to the One Hundreth reviewer- Signed under Vintage- Love ya

This chapter just sort of fell out of my brain.. I tried to clean off the grey matter, hope its presentable.

* * *

Chapter 10- I don't know. 

"Room service." Sookie said as she nodded on the door of room three.

There was no answer.

"Jess. I know you're in there. Lorelai sent me up here." She said more in a loud whisper.

Jess opened the door slowly. Sookie stepped in holding the plate of food.

"She wanted me to give this to you." She handed him the food.

"Oh. Thanks." He said as Sookie went over to the mini bar and stared taking out the tiny bottles of alcohol.

"What are you doing?" Jess asked.

"Lorelai told me to take these out of here."

"Oh. Yeah. That's probably good." Jess said head downwards.

"Its not that we don't trust you. Its the temptation. Neither of us want you drinking. Its not good for you or your liver."

Jess smiled a little, finally realizing that people did care about him. "Yeah."

"Alright kid. I gotta get going." Sookie said moving towards the door.

"Okay."

"Enjoy the food."

"I will."

Sookie flashed him a smile and left. Jess stared at the food, he sat down on the bed turned on the TV and picked up the fork.

-

"Okay. Talk about what?" Rory asked.

"About Jess."

"Oh." Rory said quietly. "What is there to talk about?"

"Rory. There's a lot of stuff you don't know about him." Lorelai told her.

"Like what?" Rory asked.

"Like.. Rory did Jess ever tell you anything about his father?" Lorelai asked her.

"No. Not really he said he was a jerk and he ran out on him and then that was it." She told her. "But what does that have to do with anything. His father doesn't matter. What matters is that Jess doesn't want a kid and he doesn't want me."

"No Rory you're wrong. You're wrong. He wants you, he loves you. He loves Oliver. And Rory his father has everything to do with this."

"How?" Rory asked, face studying a loose thread on the pillow she held.

"Rory, babe. Jess's father used to hit Jess and Liz." Lorelai told her.

Rory looked up.

"The last time was when Jess was nine. Jimmy hit him so hard he put him in the hospital." She told her. "Jimmy raped Liz."

Rory's eyes widened.

"Nine months later, came Jess."

"Oh my god."

"Jess loves Oliver and he loves you. He's afraid of being his father. He doesn't want to hurt you and he doesn't not want you."

Rory was in shock. She started shaking her head.

"Why didn't he tell me? Why didn't he tell me!"

"I don't know honey. I think it was too hard for him."

"He should have told me."

"Rory.." Lorelai said concerned.

"He should have told me." She repeated.

"Yeah he should have. He screwed up. He knows it. But what are you gonna do?" Lorelai asked.

"I don't know." Came Rory's answer.

Lorelai didn't know if it was okay to tell Rory all of Jess' deep dark secrets, but she needed to. Cause she couldn't let her daughter be in pain for the rest of her life.

-

Slowly words were forming. Letter after letter appearing on the screen. Words made from nothing, made from a nothing that came from a dark place, from a place that he thought was dead.

Slowly he watched as his fingers pushed each key, repeating his thoughts. reflecting them on the computer screen.

_A message for Rory. The love of my life.-  
I love you. I loved you the first minute I saw you, as cliche as the whole love a first sight thing may seem, in this case its eerily true. I loved you in a way that I didn't think was possible. I had myself so closed off, to everything that I never saw the tiny little light in the corner that was getting bigger and brighter. My metaphors suck and you should know that, but you were the light and the thing that made my world so much better. I still love you. I always will and I never stopped. I'm sorry for all the things I've done to you. For all the pain I've caused you. For all the things I should have done and for all the things I shouldn't have. For never telling you how much I really loved you, I'm sorry._

Jess wrote, just to get it out. And as quickly as the letters formed words, as quickly as they appeared on the screen, they were gone and a blank screen now stared back at him, taunting him. One button erased the thoughts. Not really, but he liked to think it did. When in truth the same words he had just typed were still floating around in his head. So he wrote.

_I never deserved you. You were too good for me. I was trash. You never should have trusted me. You never should have given me a chance. I'm sorry. But you shouldn't listen. You shouldn't give me another chance. Because after so many years I still don't deserve you. I never deserved your love. You never should have let me in. Its not your fault. I weaseled my way in. But you are so smart you should have known how wrong I would become. How wrong I was. You never should have looked twice. You never should have smiled. You never should have loved me back. _

And again the words disappeared from the screen, but they still remained screaming in his head. Endless trails with words screaming out to be heard. "I'm sorry." And "Please Forgive me." Were the loudest, both being pushed down by the repetitive, "You don't deserve forgiveness."

And yet he typed again.

_I still have the ring. I took it when she told me to take what I would need. All I would need; Laptop, book, CD or two, a few changes of clothes, shoes. But the one thing I always need; you. _

The cursor blinked as he finished. Laughing at his pathetic-ness. In the past ten minutes he had gone from apology to extreme self deprecation to a little cliche. And again he undid what he wrote. Undid what was in his head. He wished he could undo it all.

* * *

My sister told me that Jess' second entry was too self depricating but then again she doesn't know what he did. I don't think its too bad but let me know what you think. 

Reviews are the oxygen I breathe. Please don't let me suffocate in a vacuum.

Newtie.

PS: The next chapter is already typed and ready to go.


	12. Chapter 11

Disclaimer- I own nothing, well at least not the show, or the characters. I do however own the deeds to three souls... Muaahahahahahaha

To all my reviewers- I love you all so much, its unhealthy.

This chapter was kinda hard to write. I don't think its to great and I'm fairly certain in makes no semblance of sense, but just read it.

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* * *

Chapter 11- Right that makes much more sense. 

Rory paced slowly in the living room, biting her nails as she went. Lorelai's eyes went back and forth.

"Rory, I think you should talk to him." She offered.

"Yeah. But he's in New York. I cant go now."

"He's not in New York."

"Then where is he?" Rory questioned.

"Room three at the Dragonfly." Lorelai admitted.

"He's here? In Stars Hollow?"

"Yeah." Lorelai nodded.

Rory shook her head. "Watch Oliver for me." She said as she left, before Lorelai could say anything.

-

_How many times can a person fail and still be offered a second, third, or fourth chance? How many times can some one screw up so badly and still be accepted and loved? How many chances do I have now? Am I out? Are they all gone? Was this the last time? She said she forgave me, but can she ever love me again? Will I ever wake up from this endless nightmare? _

_A moment of weakness can never be revoked. I've learned my lesson. I cant take it back and there's nothing I can do to make it better. _

And there was a knock on his door. He expected Sookie, again. He went to the door and opened it fully. He saw her staring at him, he was staring back. She looked sad and slightly defeated.

"Why?" She asked simply.

A simple question, one word. It had so many possible meanings, he didn't know which one she wanted. Why he was here? Why he left? Why he cant be a father? Why he started drinking? Why?

"Why did you start drinking?" She clarified.

"I." Jess was thinking of what to tell her, the truth was always a good option. "I was failing Yale." He finally said.

Rory nodded, a solemn look graced her features. "Can I come in?" She asked showing that she trusted him.

Jess nodded, stepping out of the way so she could get in.

-

Lorelai walked, holding Oliver, to the diner. She had a worried look on her face. Half way there she turned the other way and walked to the Dragonfly.

When she got there she put Oliver in his play area asked Michel to watch him and went up to room three with Sookie.

The sat there, and with ears to the door listened to the conversation.

-

There they stood, six feet and a bag of clothes separating them. Neither of them moved, or said anything. They simply stood there studying each other.

"You know I thought I could do this," Rory began to speak, "I thought I could come here and say words and you would say them too and then everything would be better. But its not working and I don't know how to make it work."

"I don't either. I don't know how to fix things."

"The toaster."

Jess smiled weakly, but sincerely. The toaster that he fixed after Rory had told him how much of a hard time the town was giving Luke because of his stunts.

"This is different."

"I know that." She told him.

It was silent again.

-

Sookie and Lorelai strained to hear what was being said.

"I heard, 'I float Easter. I coat flow now you spinach beans.' What did you get?' Lorelai asked her partner in crime.

"I got 'I slow hat.'"

"Ugh damn these old walls. Can't hear anything."

They went back to trying to hear what was being said.

-

"I'm sorry." Jess said, head down wards.

-

"I got that." Lorelai said, looking like she was trying to become one with the wall.

-

"I'm sorry for all the things I've done to you. For all the pain I've caused you. For all the things I should have done and for all the things I shouldn't have. For never telling you how much I really loved you, I'm sorry." He recited from the depths of his mind.

Rory just watched him.

"Please say something." He begged her.

"I. I wish you would have told me why."

"But I couldn't."

"Why, why couldn't you tell me? Why couldn't you just talk to me?"

"Because."

"Because why? You know in all the years we dated, lived together, had sex, I cant remember even one time that you talked to me. I mean really talked to me." Rory said not trying to make him feel bad, but just getting it out there.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry, just change it. Why couldn't you tell me?"

"Because I was afraid." He admitted.

"Of what?"

"Of bringing you down. You were so perfect. I would have failed you. And no part of your life can be a failure." Jess explained his mind set.

"You were afraid I would leave you?"

"Yes."

"Jess I love you. You were my best friend. There is no way I would leave you because of a few failed classes."

He couldn't help be notice the tense of 'love'.

-

"Aww." Sookie and Lorelai said in unison.

Oliver started crying.

"Uh oh. Crying baby. We gotta go deal with him." Lorelai said standing up.

Sookie followed.

-

The room had fallen silent again. Rory moved to sit down on the bed.

"I love you." She said more to her self than to him. "I never stopped loving you. I think you should know that."

Jess was silent, not knowing what to say, and not knowing what she wanted to hear.

"I hated your drinking. It, it changed you into someone I didn't know. Someone that scared me. It hurt, because I didn't want to be afraid of you. I loved you and it killed me."

Rory took a deep breath, "It didn't kill me to love you, it killed me to see you drunk."

"I know. I know."

"Then why did you do it? If you knew it hurt me?" She thought that she sounded amazingly self centered but she didn't care.

"Because it was easier than facing my problems."

Rory nodded.

"I get it."

-

Sookie and Lorelai snuck back up to the door of room three. They sat there listening.

-

"I get it." She repeated after a beat.

Jess smiled a little as she patted the bed next to her, motioning for him to sit down. He complied hesitantly.

She looked at him for a moment before taking his hand in hers. Lacing their fingers together.

"I trust you." She said, looking at their hands. "I know that you never meant to hurt me. I know that you would never do anything to intentionally hurt me. And I trust you."

"I love you." Was all he could find to say.

"I love you too." She smiled as everything suddenly felt right again.

-

"Oh my god. Did you hear it?" Lorelai asked in a loud whisper.

"He said 'I love glue.' And she said it back." Sookie said.

"I'm pretty sure he said 'I love you.'" Lorelai told her.

"Right that makes much more sense."

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Please leave me a review or comment. Something. Reviews are the oxygen I breathe. Please don't let me suffocate in a vacuum. And also People I NEED ideas I have no clue what the hell I'm doing from here. Someone help me...

Newtie


	13. Chapter 12

Disclaimer- I own nothing, well at least not the show, or the characters. I do however own the deeds to three souls... Muaahahahahahaha

To all my reviewers- I love you all so much, its unhealthy.

The first parts are flash forewords to the important stuff and Jess' little thoughts on them are in _Italics. _The ending of the book is in **_Bold Italics_**.

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Chapter 12- Yeah I know that. 

_How many times can some one screw up and still be loved? _

_I don't think there really is a set number. If you're truly loved, you can truly be forgiven an infinite number if times. You can be accepted again, you can make things right again. _

_-_

"Lets try this again." Rory said smiling as she held Oliver. "This is your son."

Jess smiled as he took Oliver and stared into his eyes. The baby smiled.

-

_Things can be new again. Slates can be wiped clean. And life as we know it will go on, when he smiles at you. _

_-_

"Rory, I've been carrying this around with me for years. For six months before I left." Jess got down on one knee as he spoke. "Rory Gilmore, will you marry me?"

"Yes."

-

_And sometimes things are so much better than you ever thought they could be, when she says Yes._

_-_

"Jess, do you take Rory to be your lawfully wedded wife."

"I do."

"Rory, do you take Jess to be your lawfully wedded husband."

"I do."

_-_

_And when she looks into your eyes, says 'I do', and smiles, you know what true happiness feels like. _

-

_**I'm one of the lucky ones. I think I might be the only lucky one. This life turned out so much better than I thought it could. There are so many things I am so immensely grateful for. All the chances I've been given and all the people who gave them.** _

He finished. He stared at the screen. It was two in the morning and everyone was sleeping. He felt a hand on his back, he turned around to see Rory looking sweetly at him.

"Why are you up so late.. or early?" She asked.

"Just finishing something." He told her.

"Oh."

"And why are you up so early?" He asked her.

"Your daughter, seems to think its funny to use my bladder as a squeeze toy. I have to pee like every 10 minutes." Rory told him.

"Oh so when she's in trouble she's MY daughter?"

"Yep."

Jess shook his head and pulled Rory closer to him.

"I love you." He told her. He looked at her, 36 week, pregnant belly. "And I love her."

"I know you do. And I love you too."

"Good to know." He stood up and kissed her.

Rory pulled back. "I have to pee." She said before waddling towards the bathroom.

-

"All the chances I've been given and all the people who gave them." Rory read the last sentence aloud as she finished reading Jess' book.

She turned to him. "Wow."

He looked at her anxiously.

"Jess this is... amazing."

"Really?"

"Yeah. My god. You, you have an amazing brain."

"I'm glad you think so."

"Jess. Just.. Wow. I'm speechless."

"I'm glad you liked it."

"I really did."

Jess smiled.

"I love you." She smiled at him.

"I love you too." He kissed her quickly.

"You should be a writer." She told him.

"I am a writer." He whispered.

"Me too! Oh we're meant to be, you know that?" She joked with a smile.

"Yeah I know that." He kissed her again.

* * *

I didn't know how to end this. So there it is. The end if you're not happy, by all means complain, tell me to write it again, but tell me what to write. Or you can just be happy with this end. I hope its good enough. I love all of my reviewers so much! I hope you've enjoyed this story and that's it. 

Newtie


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